Monday, November 08, 2010

Happy Anniversary.

Today is my wedding anniversary, and I’m going to do something uncharacteristic. I generally hoard TAO all to myself, but for today, I’m going to talk instead of the power of one person.
When I was young I used dream of a better future. those dreams there never was someone with me. I didn’t have dreams of fairytale weddings and happily-ever-afters.

I used to be disappointed in books when they ended with everyone tragically dying. Because, what, that helped anything? Stories such as Aida or Tristan & Isolde made me roll my eyes. Great, you’re both dead, now who’s going to carry on the fight?

In short, I wasn’t blessed with a light and loving heart.

My little day to day choices aren’t influenced by TAO, but the overriding True North of my Life is subtitled “I want TAO to get what he wants & be happy.”

Now, I’m not stupid. TAO isn’t perfect. But he’s perfect Enough for me. He makes me crazy sometimes- fair enough, I return it in spades.
He thinks I’m wonderful. I, decidedly, am NOT wonderful – but I try to live up to it so that I don’t let him down. Which has changed me. Made me better…less concerned with mere survival and more concerned with Living.

I haven’t gone completely off the emotional deep end. I’m pragmatic enough to know that if he died or betrayed me I wouldn’t cease to exist. My special curse – the ability to keep getting up – would ensure that I did just that. But I do know life would not be the same. Life wouldn’t stop, my house would not become a shrine to him, but it would have an irrevocable course change.

The simplest way to explain how one person can make such a difference to another is to talk about the movie “What Dreams May Come.” In it, Robin Williams dies. He goes to Heaven. His wife dies. She goes to Hell. Williams can’t have Heaven without his wife, so he goes to Hell to rescue her. And I finally cried at a movie, because I got what the author was saying. So while I wasn't blessed with a light heart, I was taught how to have a loving one.


ChelleC said...

Wow. Happy Anniversary to you and TAO. I know just what you mean. And, as so often happens, you put into words what my heart feels about my own special spouse. I'm so glad the two of you are blessed to have one another.

Maven said...

What a great tribute to Tao. And what a great flick that was!