Sunday, September 19, 2010

Sounding the Shofar

So the Horn has sounded and the Book is closed. And I was thinking about whether or not I really cared if my name was in it. Which led to an inventory of the past decades, and to thinking about timelines.

Which led to the visual image of my daughter, just the right height to lay her head in my lap when I sat at the kitchen table. The same kitchen table and chairs that are in my house right now. And I suddenly realized that while I think of her that way, if she had lived she'd be old enough to argue politics with me. To be dating someone I don't approve of, to be thinking of a kitchen table of her own.

If she had lived, our two strong personalities would have led to arguments galore - some of which I wouldn't have done right.

But for right Now - this split second in time- I would trade the world for her to be that woman; even if she hated me.

1 comment:

ChelleC said...

Oh E - I don't know what to say. You just brought a lump to my throat. My own daughter is 18 and so strong-willed that even today we got in an argument even though I've been missing her while she's away. But gosh, you just gave me a shudder and reminded me that having a child, even a grown child who often rebels and lashes out, is priceless. I am so sorry for the sweet one you lost and will always love.