Time and consequences

Several of us were having a little round table discussion about “If you knew you only had a short period left to live, what would you do?”
It was a lively discussion made sweetly poignant by the fact, that indeed, some of these people, ARE living the short life.

What I took away from it was that when we have “all” the time in the world, we often don’t do things we’d like to because we don’t want to pay the long term consequences for the action.
Several of the things people listed they opted not to do, or would not do if they had “more time” because of some future price that would have to be paid. Either emotionally, physically, or financially. Some of the ideas were rejected because of how they would impact loved ones left behind.
Living the Selfish life wasn’t an option because it didn’t leave room for love of others.
Things that were consistently chosen ran along the lines of avoiding the little piddly stuff that generally sucks energy: cleaning the bathroom, spending time with people you “should” like (but don’t), chosing quiet entertainment over a flurry of activity - minor but still freeing choices.

Concurrent with this the Knitters were having their annual New Years knitting resolutions. People are fresh from the Holiday knitting jag, and some of this frought is with emotion - You know the discussions….WIPs, UFOs, Queue, in short - what lives/what dies.

If you combine these two groups of people, I think you get an interesting knitting philosophy. After all, what’s the consequence of ripping a languishing UFO? Just freeing up energy. You don’t have to worry about leaving someone destitute or emotionally destroyed. Deciding to devote time to monogamously wrapping up a WIP? Other yarn isn’t going to shriek “you love them more than me!” or complain that you are self absorbed. As for that illicit affair that has tantalized your mind…go for the cashmere blend not the quivet.

In the end, remember that knitting should soothe, comfort, entertain, and engage. It may feel crucial, but it's just string. Okay so it's the string your sanity is wrapped up in.

Unfortunately, there may be plenty of need for facing the “big stuff” in life, save your energy for that.

Knitterly Gifts

From the redoubtable Chelle - a mysterious box from the LoopyEwe. She knows how much of my net income is spent there...a secret even TAO doesn't know. Little Loopy decided that the "travel mug" is actually for Oatmeal Stout. Since I was on call, he might have had "the breakfast of champions" by himself. Hence, why the photo is taken lying down. Those frolicsome lambs. And couldn't you just roll in a landscape coated in that yarn colour? (Intrigue by Lorna's Laces). Now comes the hard decision...socks or shawl?

Chelle, I'd claim you as my sister, but lets face it...my Mother was a Bitch extraordinaire; howsa 'bout you claim me & we'll share your Gram?

There hasn't been alot of knitting posted at this blog lately. Primarily because there hasn't been alot of knitting going on. Things have been hectic the past few months & my knitting mojo was taken in front of a firing squad & summarily shot. I had a pair of socks that missed a November birthday - the recipient gave me a "late gift pass"; then just as I was to pop them in the mail...someone else called - fresh from receiving a dire diagnosis. So a text later, the birthday socks were shipped off, hopefully to provide warmth and comfort. Afterall, they've got love from two people - the knitter & the gal who sacrificed her gift.

I did eventually manage these as an outgoing knitterly gift...CookieA's Angee socks. In Loopy Solid Celery. Plainfooted because I don't care for patterned feet in shoes. You may be wondering "WTH is wrong with the toe?!?" Well, they're going to a Knitter. And I don't have her foot nearby. So I opted not to kitchener the toe & didn't cut the yarn; figuring if they arrive & are too short/too long it won't take her more than a brief movie to make them "perfect". And I'm sending my cheat sheet for kitchenering off the needles. A gift ONLY another Knitter would love.

Yet another Not Knitting Post -

Another Birthday is rolling up to the gate.

For those of you keeping track…it’s one more than last year.


I woke up early today and found myself, not using the time to workout (curses!) but thinking about ALL THE THINGS. Which started me down a litany of prayers. I know so many people getting their arse kicked by the universe right now.

Starting the list…uterine CA, Prostate CA, Ovarian CA, early onset Alzheimer’s, something that will probably turn out to be ALS, broken bones, knee/hip surgeries, scathed & unscathed car accidents…

At this point I stopped feeling like a supplicant and started feeling like I needed a little lie down.


Then something tapped me on the shoulder and reminded me of the key point they have in common – I’ve known them all for less than 5 years. Yet each has touched me, enriched my life, made me smile, laugh & in one bizarre episode – sing.


For years I was someone who kept people out - because they hurt you. I’m not sure when it happened but along the way I decided that the only way to “not hurt” wasn’t to withdraw, but instead to hoard up as much deliciousness as possible. I’ve started collecting the good instead of counting the bad.


So while the years have left their mark on my body, I feel as if my life is just beginning and I’m looking forward to seeing how full I can make the rest of it.

Thank you for being part of it, I know it requires patience sometimes. Afterall, I've got decades to unlearn.

Kindling for the Bonfire of the Vanities

There is a line from a song that asks “What would you ask (G-d) if you had just one question?”
On a casual listen, several things might pop into your mind. All the classic struggles about good/evil, war, famine, poverty, death, unfairness, etc. But I caught myself giving this serious consideration. What?!? WOULD you ask if you could only ask one question.
This is where the vanity comes in. After long thought I realized that really, a lot of the big answers are inside of me already. In some cases there isn’t an answer and I accept that. No struggle means nothing to ask. Other things would not be changed by knowing the answers – therefore they are superfluous; don’t want to waste that ONE question. Other things I’m only mildly curious about, an answer would be nice, but not necessary.

Which led me to wonder “if not those questions, then which?” What question would have an impact on my life if I knew the answer? “Am I doing it right?” came to mind. Again, plenty of sources right here to guide me on that. Not all of them in agreement, not all of them in accordance with my own beliefs, but available. And there is that inner voice that whispers when I do something from the “right” place – if I listen. So for those answers, perhaps I should just listen more often/more closely.

I finally settled on “How can I do it better?” I feel that should yield concrete results. After all, we’ve all had the experience of doing the “right thing” only to find it wasn’t. I’d like a pithy explanation of how to do it better, because I’ll never do it perfectly, but a few tips and pointers would certainly ease my mind. And, the really sneaky part about it all? I don’t actually have to ask G-d, pretty sure if I started asking myself this on a regular basis, I could see a lot of good answers.

What about you, what would your One Question be?


The Knitters Version of the above:
There is a line from a song that asks “What would you ask (G-d) if you had just one question?”
On a casual listen, several things might pop into your mind. All the classic struggles about superwash/handwash, needle materials, indie dyers, copywrite. But I caught myself giving this serious consideration. What?!? WOULD you –as a knitter- ask if you could only ask one question.

This is where the vanity comes in. After long thought I realized that really, a lot of the big answers are inside of me already. In some cases there isn’t an answer and I accept that. (Who designed that? Who wears that? Why is that model standing like that?) No struggle means nothing to ask. Other things would not be changed by knowing the answers (Who spends $180 to knit a hat? What were They Thinking?)– therefore they are superfluous; don’t want to waste that ONE question.

Other things I’m only mildly curious about, an answer would be nice, but not necessary (Really?!? How hard is it to have a nice join on a circular? In that episode of Starsky & Hutch, what is the woman in the elevator knitting?)

Which led me to wonder “if not those questions, then which?” What question would have an impact on my knitting if I knew the answer? “Am I doing it right?” came to mind. Again, plenty of sources right here to guide me on that. Not all of them in agreement, not all of them in accordance with my own beliefs, but available – surf any internet knitting forum and you’ll find a thousand opinions on the “correct” way to manipulate sticks and string. And there is that inner voice that whispers when I do something from the “right” place – when you fondle the fabric and feel the drape and know “it’s just right”. We’ve all knit something to “gauge” and not liked the fabric- then ripped the project.

I finally settled on “How can I do it better?” I feel that should yield concrete results. After all, we’ve all had the experience of knitting perfectly “to pattern” only to find it wasn’t the right size/line/style. I’d like a pithy explanation of how to do it better, because I’ll never do it perfectly, but a few tips and pointers would certainly ease my mind. And, the really sneaky part about it all? I think the answer, Both in Life and in Knitting, is “Swatch.” Pretty sure if I started practicing my knitting more, trying new approaches, I’d get better.

From our Stash to Yours

Happy Holiday! May you have a season filled with small miracles, and may you have the wisdom to recognize them for what they are.

Teal Deer

So, it’s Thanksgiving in the US, and the “too long didn’t read” version is:
My list of things I’m grateful for is so long it would crash the internet – which is a very good feeling. I hope many of you feel the same way.

Those of you that have been watching the train wreck of 2010 closely may wonder at this. But truly, this year more than any other, things have worked out. To recap:

~Some of you may remember a few years back when TAO and I had the disastrous vacation that led to our coming home 3 days early – to find a local company illegally bulldozing protected wetlands. Which led to TAO raising the rabble, which led to his being on the village board, which led to his building good roots in our tiny community? The point of all that was made clear when the flooding struck. If we hadn’t gone home/fought big business/made enemies/stuck to our guns – we would have lost everything in the house, not just the basement. (I say we, but really it’s TAO, I’m just the venture capitalist in this partnership.)

~I decided to take a big paycut and a huge lifestyle shift to accept a permanent position. A decision I may still come to regret or rethink. But it meant when I needed to go home for the flood, and now when I will need time off for some health issues, I am somewhere that will let me take the time. My contract company was a good company, but very much a business and not inclined to let little human problems get in the way of money making. Had I still been contracting the penalties would have been crushing.

~Last year’s decision to climb out on the olive branch of friendship meant that this year I have many more friends, supportive acquaintances, and laughing memories. Of course there have been some amazing blunders, but I’ve always had a knack for putting my foot in it, one measly year isn’t going to change that.

Happy Anniversary.

Today is my wedding anniversary, and I’m going to do something uncharacteristic. I generally hoard TAO all to myself, but for today, I’m going to talk instead of the power of one person.
When I was young I used dream of a better future. Oddly...in those dreams there never was someone with me. I didn’t have dreams of fairytale weddings and happily-ever-afters.

I used to be disappointed in books when they ended with everyone tragically dying. Because, what, that helped anything? Stories such as Aida or Tristan & Isolde made me roll my eyes. Great, you’re both dead, now who’s going to carry on the fight?

In short, I wasn’t blessed with a light and loving heart.

My little day to day choices aren’t influenced by TAO, but the overriding True North of my Life is subtitled “I want TAO to get what he wants & be happy.”

Now, I’m not stupid. TAO isn’t perfect. But he’s perfect Enough for me. He makes me crazy sometimes- fair enough, I return it in spades.
He thinks I’m wonderful. I, decidedly, am NOT wonderful – but I try to live up to it so that I don’t let him down. Which has changed me. Made me better…less concerned with mere survival and more concerned with Living.

I haven’t gone completely off the emotional deep end. I’m pragmatic enough to know that if he died or betrayed me I wouldn’t cease to exist. My special curse – the ability to keep getting up – would ensure that I did just that. But I do know life would not be the same. Life wouldn’t stop, my house would not become a shrine to him, but it would have an irrevocable course change.

The simplest way to explain how one person can make such a difference to another is to talk about the movie “What Dreams May Come.” In it, Robin Williams dies. He goes to Heaven. His wife dies. She goes to Hell. Williams can’t have Heaven without his wife, so he goes to Hell to rescue her. And I finally cried at a movie, because I got what the author was saying. So while I wasn't blessed with a light heart, I was taught how to have a loving one.

Back to the regularly scheduled programming

Admittedly my last few posts have been off the knitting road. And rather depressing. I think they can be summed up with a line from one of my favourite songs: "They send these things to try us, and try us they do."

On that note, I now return to knitting content.

I recently engaged in what I have been assured is appropriate female response to stress: I went shopping. Chris over at My Favorite Thimble announced that the Blackthorn DPNs were getting a makeover. Now, I was pretty darn happy with my original sets & had already slated money for more. So, of course, I had to wait and try the new ones.

Opinion: Worth every penny.
The old Blackthorns were lovely. One of my favourite needles indeed. But they had some roughness to them that irritated the base of my fingers. They also, being completely handcrafted, weren't always round throughout the length. I did enjoy the "frill" of the surface and how I didn't have to worry about the needles slipping out of the work.

One thing Chris had said was that the Next Generation would be smoother. I was a little concerned, as I hate chasing escapees. As soon as the new ones arrived I popped 3 into the current WIP and left the other needles as originals. My fingers quickly distinguished which was which. The new needles are definitely a different tactile encounter:
Not slick like worked metal, but smooth in the way that your fingertip appreciates the curve and tension of skin when you caress it down the line of a lover's jaw; with that delicate warmth from body heat. Truly enjoyable.




As for the tips: the tips are decidely more pointy, with a taper that starts farther from the point. Honestly, if you were so inclined, a set of 00s and a voodoo doll could provide hours of amusement. They are much nicer for digging into a p3tog, or a nupp. At the same time, they're not so pointy that if you're a tip toucher You know who you are, your finger would hurt.



Add to all of that the lack of weight and the flexible strength, and they're a winner. Which is good, because my method of displaying sock yarn meant that's primarily what survived the flood and I see alot of socks in my future.

(Photos are of US size 0s; 2.0mm)

The end of the flood story

I do not recommend that a highly stressed person (namely me) be locked in a car for 20 some odd hours by herself. Since I felt odd having conversations with my imaginary friend, I opted for “imaginary” conversations with real friends; so if any of you found yourself psychically drained…apologies.

In youth we seek excitement. The big dreams, the ambitions. I wanted to be an anthropologist but didn’t know how I’d pay the bills. Then I wanted to be a knitwear designer whose originals went for thousands. (Hey it was High School). But mostly I wanted to be safe, warm, dry, and fed.

As we age, we realize that excitement is usually something bad. Something that breaks, goes wrong, hurts, or crushes us---becoming one more bead in a rosary of sorrows, delicately slipping in place, counting down the experiences of a lifetime.

And, as you finger this Rosary, it’s easy to count how life knocks you down, you get up, knocks you down, you get up, knocks you down…you think “perhaps if I stop getting up things would change”. But you stagger drunkenly up and go forth.
Why the continued getting up?

Because all things of beauty require balance and space. And in order to have a balanced life with freedom to love, you have to form other beads in the design. Beads that shimmer with a glow from the heat of a passionate heart, or beads that twinkle with the crystal clearness of laughter. Even beads with delicate facets that reflect contentment.

At the end of the drive, I found that obviously since neither of us was dead, nothing was lost that we couldn’t live without. Some furniture, some yarn, a fleece, things from the kitchen that had been stored during the floor remodel, most of the books, and weirdly the lawn tractor.

It was going to be a week before they replaced the furnace, so we decided to ignore the stresses, and go on our vacation. Because, in the end, I did grow up to get exactly what I wanted--- I am loved, safe, warm and fed.

Sights of Sedona

Loopy attempts to climb CoffeePot Rock.

From cookie crumbs to Cookie A

WI update: there is damage but I'm not homeless. TAO and the furbabies are safe. And at the end of the day...that's all that matters.

One of the things I like about knitting is it's flexibility. If I need something soothing to keep my hands busy while my mind parses info-endless stockingette in the round fills the bill. If I need a puzzle, fair isle is like building an image one pixel at a time. And for those times when the hard drive of the brain is stuck in a continous loop...charted sucks up all the bandwidth and releases you from worry. With that in mind I cast on the Angee Socks from Cookie A.

I don't generally do complicated socks with large charts. I feel like it's a mismatch of energy. A sock is small thing = portable, therefore a sock with a large complicated chart = does not compute. But in this case, I needed something that would suck up all the worries, quiet the mind, and hopefully let me calm enough to get some sleep. I also wanted something that I had yarn on hand for, and that could conceivably be finished in my lifetime.

I am now 3/4 through the leg of the first sock; with a planned plain foot.

I started with my new Signature DPNs but the weight of the 0s (.008 gm) vs (.002 gm in the 1s) really bothered my hands, so they are going back to the manufacturer. Wish I was a tighter knitter so I could have some of the aluminum sizes. Funny how a control freak like me is a loose knitter. So I switched to the addi lace circs, great needles- don't care for the technique if the socks aren't going to be portable. And then brought out my favorites- Blackthorn DPNs. Sighs contentedly.



Pardon the crummy photo, my camera's battery won't hold a charge, and the replacement is in WI. of course, but I thought those lovely Blackthorn DPNs deserved a photo.